Treat Her Right

4 02 2012

Syndicated talk show host Hugh Hewitt has made the important point that success is not a zero-sum enterprise.  In context he discusses the idea that in order to move up and succeed in one’s career, one has to think win/win.  An example of a zero-sum outcome is best seen in a sporting contest—in order for one team to win, the other team has to lose.

In career mobility this means that you are best equipped to succeed by helping others do the same.  You don’t step all over people to get ahead but rather lift them up as you climb.

Today we discussed this concept in our weekly leadership training gathering in my home.  I meet once a week with younger men and we discuss leadership, integrity and the how-to of making a hall of fame life during our sojourn here in our world.

One area of life that is important to avoid zero-sum thinking is the way in which we men relate to our women.  A man who has a wife at home with little children and more on the way needs to be attentive to her need for understanding, tenderness, and interaction.  Adult interaction.  “Can we please talk? I’ve been home with kids all day.”

It is part of our Judeo-Christian heritage that we see each human being—man, woman and child—as creatures of infinite value and importance demanding the respect a creature made in the image of God is entitled to.  Corollary to that is women are not chattel.  We don’t own them though we’re married to them.  Some of the most pathetic individuals on this planet are men who dominate and demean women in the name of God.  They are insecure and losing every time.  Don’t be one of them.

Treat her right, as the Lenny LeBlanc song made famous by Sawyer Brown says.  Here are some very practical investment tips that have the potential to yield enormous dividends as you and your lady journey through life together:

  • Get her out of the house regularly, even if you’re tired and have put in a long day at work.  And especially if she does not work outside the home.  She needs a change of scenery to keep drudgery at an arm’s length.  Her time with you on dates and out with her friends is oxygen to her.
  • Talk with her.  One book recently had the provocative title Men Are Clams And Women Are Crowbars.  Humorous but it highlights our differences and the need to appreciate what it takes to make life full for both of us.  Don’t diminish her with laconic answers.  This may take effort, but open up.  Give details.  It may not be important to you but it is to her.  Just do it.
  • Help her cultivate her talents and skills other than being a wife and mother. She’s so much more than that.  Husbandry is an agricultural term.  It is the craft of nurturing plants to growth.  Do this especially while you are both young.  If she’s inclined to business or furthering her education, do whatever you can to help her along those paths.  Don’t wait until the empty nest is upon you and years of frustration and unrealized pursuits and dreams leak their toxin all over your marriage.  You’ll be much happier if you cultivate her now, I promise you.
  • Only have eyes for her.  Avoid the empty thrills of skirt-chasing and p*rn.  Besides simply being wrong, these are a setup for boredom because they are so out of touch with reality and a dead-end.  They are cancer to a marriage.  Being fully involved in this marvelous woman with whom you’ve made vows is far more adventurous than the novelty of the forbidden fruit.

You have a garden.  Now go and cultivate it.  The fruit will amaze you.




3 responses

6 02 2012

Well said Christian……May they who have ears listen!

6 02 2012
Christian Fahey

Thanks Reenie! It’s a challenge but worth the price paid!

6 02 2012

Well Said …….May they who have ears LISTEN !

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